Friday, July 18, 2008
What have I done?
I might have fallen under a diabolical spell that forced me to buy a container of "Chipwich Cookies" from WholeFoods. Not since 20-odd years ago, when I occasionally used a knife to sneak a curl of butter from the stick set out on the table before our family's dinner so that I could eat it plain, have I reached such heights of buttery excess. Maybe Paula Deen could produce something more buttery than these dangerous chocolate chip cookie sandwiches, but I have my doubts.
I do enjoy trying new snacks in the "things that carry a pile of frosting smooshed in the middle of two baked-good disks of some sort" category, including (so far) Whoopie Pies and Blondie Whoopie Pies (the former is better), but these Chipwiches were a little insane. I think Jane, who was sitting next to me at work, may even hold a grudge regarding my pressuring her into trying one. Let's just say she didn't finish it, but we did discuss its evil nature at length.
Simply put, they're extravagantly, alarmingly buttery. All signs point to butter. "Butter me up" is not just an expression here. Etc.
First of all, the cookies are so soft our first two chipwiches wouldn't come out of the container in one piece (and though they were not refrigerated in the display at the grocery store, and though it happens to be over 90 degrees F. outside today, I can't completely blame the temperature they were being held at). I did refrigerate the one pictured so that it would be represented in its original state, but whoever made these must have realized how gushy they are. Once retrieved in pieces from the package, the snack continues to fall apart as you hold it in your hand. One can't eat the mess quickly enough to avoid any fallout -- they're that sweet and that soft.
Texture is almost nonexistent, apart from the chocolate chips. Jane wondered if they might just be unbaked dough, the cookies are so soft. And the icing sandwiched between tastes like nearly pure butter with a hint of sugar mixed into it. It started to melt and drip buttery splashes onto everything underneath it almost with my first bite. And there's a lot of it.
Having eaten more than one today (only in the interest of reporting to you via this site, of course), I won't need another for, oh...probably ever. Okay, I can't promise I'll never eat one again (I have a short memory when it comes to the realization that massive amounts of icing can be bad for my health), but I have concluded that I shouldn't. Eat one. Ever. Again. Sandwiched cookies are simply too dangerous a vehicle when their passenger is buttercream frosting. Maybe I'd be safer switching over to "frosting-on-the-top" items next time I'm perusing desserts at WholeFoods.
One last observation from the ever-wise Jane: "maybe these aren't a summer snack."
p.s. I had to eat some savory Nic Nacs to clear my palate before moving on to dinner.