No nuthin!

I know a guy named Ian (no relation to these popcorn turkey corn dog bites). He thought these sounded gross. I thought:

a) I like corn dogs
b) I like vegetarian corn dogs
c) My sister likes mini corn dog bites
d) I like turkey dogs
e) The picture on the box is kind of cute. It has what looks like an otter in a cape proclaiming, "I'm a Superfit Kid!"

That was not a multiple choice question, but if it had been the answer is:

f) NONE OF THE ABOVE MATTERS IN THIS CASE

Notice again what the box says:

No Wheat!
No Gluten!
No Casein!
No Milk!
No Eggs!
No Nuts!
No Soy!

In another spot it also mentions it has no artificial flavors, colors, preservatives or hormones.

Let's get that box open:



We can call this:

No Curb Appeal!

At this point I could tell these corn dog bites were not going to be as cute as they looked on the box. But I cooked them up anyway. I didn't know they were going to have

No Redeeming Flavors!



They looked like cut-rate chicken nuggets, but I took a couple of bites. Hard-ish on the outside, mushy on the inside, the texture was unpleasant each time. My first thought was, "needs gluten." There was really no corn flavor to the grainy, too-salty coating and the turkey dog bits inside tasted rubbery. I hope no one tries these and thinks that's as good as a turkey dog can taste. To add insult to injury, it made ordinary mustard taste gross - sharp and bitter. How did it ruin mustard for me? I couldn't finish the serving, and I'm always mindful of wasting food. Just - blerg.

No thanks!