Strawberry Afternoon Letdown

I love strawberries, especially tiny wild strawberries on a hillside in the Rocky Mountains in Colorado.

I love milkshakes, especially at the gone-but-not-forgotten Glass Onion in Lawrence, KS.

I remember liking Whoppers and that "malted milk" flavor in general when I was growing up, though Whoppers were always my dad's candy. Each year someone (my mom, my sister or me) would purchase a big carton of Whoppers and wrap it up to go under the Christmas Tree. The gift was easy to spot and unmistakably noisy if one picked it up, so it was never a surprise.

Then, one year, Dad said he didn't need to get Whoppers every year anymore. He seemed to have had enough.

It only took me a few bites to tire of Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers, though I couldn't stop eating them right away (which is kind of scary). They taste fake and smell faker. To me, it seemed like the fake (a blend of natural and artificial flavors, according to the box) strawberry taste covers up any malted milk angle. It suggests there's not much actual strawberry in there. It protests too much, if you get my drift.

Also, there's no cocoa butter, though there is a little cocoa. Palm kernel oil stands in for that, making any chocolate in these actually mockolate. Is this (or the original Whoppers) a product that would formerly have contained cocoa butter but has been reformulated to cut costs? If so, shame on you, Hershey's! You certainly didn't make this product better tasting by avoiding real chocolate in there.





Me: The aroma is so strong. It's like the smell of the kisses that my neighbor's Strawberry Shortcake doll blew. You know, those dolls they had where when you squeezed their stomachs they blew scented kisses at you? [Editor's note: these dolls]

Dan: You're right. They do taste like Strawberry Shortcake dolls.


I guess Dan was even less taken with them than I was.


p.s. Thanks for the snack scouting and procuring, Paul!