Saturday, June 7, 2008
Clean your plate
Snickers bars are boring. Some would say classic. Maybe, but boring. Serviceable, yes. The workhorses of the candy bar world, fine. Slightly more like a meal, sure. But I still say they're a tad boring (and why is the wrapper so ugly?). I like peanuts and caramel and chocolate and whatever -- even though Snickers make my teeth hurt a little -- but, to me, they're devoid of zazz. So I ate mine in the shower.
Just kidding! I mean about the littering, not about the eating in the shower. I threw the wrapper away.
What shampoo/conditioner duo pairs with candy bar consumption, you might ask? Well, it should probably have vanilla and yogurt among its ingredients.
It's come to my attention that there are those who don't like seeing other people eating. And some have more specific dislikes -- people eating while walking down the street, people eating in an elevator, the subway car or train. I'm sorry, people I've offended in the past. Sometimes I have to eat a fish sandwich while walking through Washington Square Park. I don't want to be late to choir practice! I do try to be a little discreet, watch for freaked-out people, and eat less aromatic/crunchy foods if I'm in an enclosed space.
I like food eaten outside of its relationship to of kitchens, dining rooms, restaurants, and picnic blankets. I have eaten sandwiches and crackers while perched in trees. I have consumed plenty of ice cream on our stoop. I've snacked on purloined pickle slices in a window well (though not since my youth). I've also eaten in cemeteries. I wouldn't eat anything, anywhere, without restrictions, of course. I'm slightly against buying food that's being sold underground (but not eating food underground that I bought above ground!). I don't know why. But I will admit to you now, too, even though I know many of you will be more grossed out by this than the shower candy, that once I ate a bowl of cereal in the bathtub. I was hungry and I wondered what it would be like. It was fine.
p.s. you can also eat really juicy fruits in the shower. Peaches work well.